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Lincoln Stories

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Contents

The "400" Gathered There
"Aaron Got His Commission"
"Abe Wanted No "Sneakin' 'round"
"Abe" a Superb Mimic
"Abe" Added a Saving Clause
"Abe" Gave Her a "Sure Tip"
"Abe" Got the Worst of It
"Abe" Like His Father
"Abe" Offers a Speech For Something to Eat
"Abe" On a Woodpile
"Abe" Recites a Song
"Abe" Resented the Insult
"Abe" Stirring the "Black" Coals
"Abe" Was No Beauty
"Abe" Was No Dude
"Abe, You Can't Play That On Me"
"Abe's" "Defalcations"
"Abe's" Fight With Negroes
"Abe's" Hair Needed Combing
"Abe's" Little Joke
"Abe's" Log
"Abe's" Name Remained On the Sign
"Abe's" Yankee Ingenuity
"All Sicker'n Your Man"
"And You Don't Wear Hoopskirts"
"And--here I Am!"
"Bap," McNabb's Booster
"Both Length and Breadth"
"Brutus and Caesar"
"Butcher-knife Boys" at the Polls
"Can't Spare This Man"
"Captain Lincoln" Pleased Him
"Catch 'em and Cheat 'em"
"Consider the Sympathy of Lincoln"
"Did Ye Ask Morrissey Yet?"
"Done With the Bible"
"Don't Kill Him With Your Fist"
"Don't Swap Horses"
"Fetched Several Short Ones"
"Find Out For Yourselves"
"Fixed Up" a Bit For the "City Folks"
"Fooling" the People
A "Free For All"
"Got Down to the Raisins"
"Government Rests in Public Opinion"
The "Great Snow" of 1830-31
"He's Just Beautiful"
"He's the Best of Us"
"Holding a Candle to the Czar"
"Honest Abe" Swallows His Enemies
"How Do You Get Out of This Place?"
"I Can Stand It If They Can"
"I'd a Been Missed By Myse'f"
"I've Lost My Apple"
"Jeffy" Threw Up the Sponge
"Left It the Women to Howl About Me"
"Lincoln Goes in When the Quakers Are Out"
"Lincoln's Dream"
"Long Abe" Four Years Longer
"Long Abe's" Feet "Protruded Over"
"Major General, I Reckon"
"Manage to Keep House"
"Massa Linkum Like De Lord!"
"Mixing" and "Mingling"
"Mrs North and Her Attorney"
"Must Go, and Go to Stay"
"Neutrality"
"Never Regret What You Don't Write"
"No Moon at All"
"Old Jeff's" Big Nightmare
"On the Lord's Side"
"One War at a Time"
"Pity the Poor Orphan"
"Plough All 'round Him"
"Public Hangman" For the United States
"Pulled Fodder" For a Book
"Punch" and His Little Picture
"Rather Starve Than Swindle"
"Sambo" Was "Afeared"
The "Secret Passage" to Washington
"Shall All Fall Together"
"Shrunk Up North"
"Smelt No Royalty in Our Carriage"
"Some Ugly Old Lawyer"
"Stretched the Facts"
"Surrender No Slave"
"Tad" Got His Dollar
"Tad" Introduces "Our Friends"
"The Bad Bird and the Mudsill"
"The Enemy Are 'ourn'"
"The 'rail-sputter' Repairing the Union"
"Them Gilliteens"
"Thorough" Is a Good Word
"Try to Steer Her Through"
"Uncle Abraham" Had Everything Ready
"Webster Couldn't Have Done More"
"What's-his-name" Got There
"Whereas," He Stole Nothing
"Who Commenced This Fuss?"
"Why Don't They Come!"
"Wuz Goin' Ter Be 'hitched"'
"Yankee" Goodness of Heart
About to Lay Down the Burden
Abraham Lincoln's Family
Absolute Confidence in Grant
Admired the Strong Man
All Were Tragedies
Angels Couldn't Swear It Right
The Apple Woman's Pass
Assistant Pilot On a Steamboat
Avoided Even Appearance of Evil
Bad Time For a Barbecue
Bashful With Ladies
Begins to Oppose Slavery
Begins to Practice Law
Believed He Was a Christian
Beware of the Tail
Big Enough Hog For Him
Big Joke On Halleck
Boat Had to Stop
Booth Brandishes His Dagger and Escapes
Booth Found in a Barn
Booth Shot By "Boston" Corbett
Boy Was Cared For
Brought the Husband Up
A Bullet Through His Hat
The Cabinet Lincoln Wanted
The Cabinet Was a-settin'
Call Another Witness
Called Blessings On the American Women
The Case of Betsy Ann Dougherty
Cash Was at Hand
Challenged All Comers
Characteristic of Lincoln
A Cheerful Prospect
Chewed the Cud in Solitude
Cold Molasses Was Swifter
Conscripting Dead Men
A Contest With Little "Tad"
Could Be Arbitrary
Could He Tell?
Could Lick Any Man in the Crowd
Could Make "Rabbit-tracks"
Couldn't Let Go the Hog
Couldn't Locate His Birthplace
Creditor Paid Debtors Debt
The Dandy and the Boys
Darned Uncomfortable Sitting
Days of Gladness Past
Dead Dog No Cure
The Dead Man Spoke
Death Bed Repentance
Declines a High Office
Defeats Peter Cartwright For Congress
Deserter's Sins Washed Out in Blood
Didn't Even Need Stilts
Didn't Know Grant's Preference
Didn't Trust the Court
Didn't Want a Military Reputation
Dignifying the Statute
Discouraged Litigation
Dodging "Browsing Presidents"
Dog Was a "Leetle Bit Ahead"
Don't Aim Too High
Don't Trust to Fail
Douglas Held Lincoln's Hat
Easier to Empty the Potomac
End For End
Equine Ingratitude
Eternal Fidelity to the Cause of Liberty
Even Rebels Ought to Be Saved
Every Fellow For Himself
Every Little Helped
Extra Member of the Cabinet
Failure As a Business Man
The Famous "Long Nine"
Fascinated By the Wonderful
Fate of the Conspirators
Father of the "Greenback"
Favored the Other Side
Felt Sorry For Both
A Few "Rhythmic Shots"
Few Fence Rails Left
Few, But Boisterous
First Nomination For President
First Visit to New York
The Five Points Sunday School
Five-legged Calf
Follows Precedent of Washington
Forgot Everything He Knew
Forgot Everything He Knew Before
Formation of the Southern Confederacy
Forms New Partnership
A Fortune-teller's Prediction
A Fun-loving and Humor-loving Man
Gains Fame As a Story Teller,
Gave the Soldier His Fish
Gave the Soldier the Preference
A General Bustification
The General Was "Headed in"
Getting Rid of an Elephant
Giving Away the Case
Go Down With Colors Flying
God Needed That Church
God With a Little "g"
God's Best Gift to Man
Going Home to Get Ready
Good Memory of Names
Good-bye to the Old Folk
Got His Foot in It
Got the Laugh On Douglas
Got the Preacher
Grand, Gloomy and Peculiar
Grant "Tumbled" Right Away
Grant Congratulated Lincoln
Grant Held On All the Time
Grant's Brand of Whiskey
Greater Diplomat Than Seward
Greeley Carries Lincoln to the Lunatic Asylum
A Greenback Legend
Grotesque, Yet Frightful
The Gun Shot Better
Had a "Kick" Coming
Had Confidence in Him--"but--"
Had Respect For the Eggs
Had to Wait For Him
Had to Wear a Wooden Sword
Hamlin Might Do It
Handsomest Man On Earth
Happy Figures of Speech
Hard to Refuse Pardons
Hardtack Better Than Generals
He "Broke" to Win
He "Set 'em Up"
He "Skewed" the Line
He Couldn't Wait For the Colonel
He Envied the Soldier at the Front
He Loved a Good Story
He Proposed to Save the Union
He Wanted a Steady Hand
He Wasn't Guileless
He'd "Risk the Dictatorship"
He'd Ruin All the Other Convicts
He'd See It Again
Heels Ran Away With them
Hell a Mile From the White House
Helped Out the Soldiers
Helps to Organize the Republican Party
Henry Ward Beecher's Eulogy
Her Only Imperfection
His "Broad" Stories
His "Glass Hack"
His Buckeye Campaign
His Cabinet Chances Poor
His Dignity Saved Him
His Duel With Shields
His Eloquent Inaugural Address
His Faith in the Monitor
His Favorite Poem
His Financial Standing
His First Joint Debate
His First Satirical Writing
His Idea's Old, After All
His Knowledge of Human Nature
His Last Speech
His Passes to Richmond Not Honored
His Poor Relations
His Teeth Chattered
His Theory of the Rebellion
His Way to a Child's Heart
How "Fighting Joe" Was Appointed
How "Jack" Was "Done Up"
How "Jake" Got Away
How He Got Blackstone
How He Won a Friend
How Hominy Was Originated
How Lincoln "Composed"
How Lincoln Took the News
How Lincoln Was Abused
How Lincoln Was Murdered
How Stanton Got Into the Cabinet
How the Town of Lincoln, Ill, Was Named
How Was the Milk Upset?
Hurry Might Make Trouble
Hurt His Legs Less
Identified the Colored Man
If They'd Only "Skip"
In a Hopeless Minority
It All "Depended" Upon the Effect
It Depended Upon His Condition
It Lengthened the War
It Tickled the Little Woman
It Was a Fine Fizzle
It Was Up-hill Work
Jeff Davis and Charles the First
Jeff Davis' Reply to Lincoln
A Job For the New Cabinetmaker
Joke Was On Lincoln
The Jury Acquitted Him
A Juryman's Scorn
Just Like Seward
Justice vs Numbers
Keep Pegging Away
Kept His Courage Up
Kept Up the Argument
The Lad Needed the Sleep
Lamon's Remarkable Request
Last Acts of Mercy
The Last Time He Saw Douglas
Leave Him Kicking
Lee's Slim Animal
Lenient With McCLELLAN
Let Six Skunks Go
Lieutenant Tad Lincoln's Sentinels
Likely to Do It
Lincoln a Great General
Lincoln a Man of Simple Habits
Lincoln Adopted the Suggestion
Lincoln and a Bible Hero
Lincoln and the "Show"
Lincoln and the Ministers
Lincoln As a Dancer
Lincoln As a Lawyer
Lincoln As a Story Writer
Lincoln Asked to Be Shot
Lincoln at the Theatre
Lincoln Believed in Education
Lincoln Calls Medill a Coward
Lincoln Campaign Mottoes
Lincoln Carried Her Trunk
Lincoln Defends Fifteen Mrs Nations
The Lincoln Household Goods
Lincoln Lugs the Old Man
Lincoln Made Many Notable Speeches
Lincoln Met Clay
Lincoln Mistaken For Once
Lincoln Monument at Springfield
Lincoln On the Dred Scott Decision
Lincoln Paid Homage to Washington
Lincoln Played Ball
Lincoln Pronounced This Story Funny
Lincoln Protected Currency Issues
Lincoln Said "By Jing"
Lincoln Saw Stanton About It
Lincoln Silences Seward
Lincoln Upbraided Lamon
Lincoln Was a Gentleman
Lincoln Was Ready to Fight
Lincoln Wasn't Buying Nominations
Lincoln Wished to See Richmond
Lincoln Would Have Preferred Death
Lincoln's "Order No 252"
Lincoln's Apology to Grant
Lincoln's Dues
Lincoln's First Speech
Lincoln's Ideas On Crossing a River When He Got to It
Lincoln's Last Official Act
Lincoln's Last Written Words
Lincoln's Men Were "Hustlers"
Lincoln's Name For "Weeping Water"
Lincoln's Rejected Manuscript
Lincoln's Story to Peace Commissioners
Lincoln's Two Difficulties
Lincoln's Yarns and Stories
The Lion Is Aroused to Action
A Little Shy On Grammar
Long and Short of It
Lost His Certificate of Character
Loved Soldiers' Humor
A Low-down Trick
Made It Hot For Lincoln
Made Speeches When a Boy
Major Anderson's Bad Memory
Make Something Out of It, Anyway
Makes Speeches For "Old Zach"
Making Quartermasters
The Man Down South
The Man He Was Lookng For
The Man to Trust
Marked Out a Few Words
Marries a Springfield Belle
Matrimonial Advice
Mcclellan's "Special Talent"
A Member of the Legislature
Menace to the Government
Mild Rebuke to a Doctor
Military Snails Not Speedy
A Mischievous Ox
Mixed Up Worse Than Before
The Modesty of Genius
More Light and Less Noise
More Pegs Than Holes
A Mortifying Experience
Most Valuable Political Attribute
Mr Bull Didn't Get His Cotton
Mrs Lincoln's Surprise
Nashville Was Not Surrendered
Naughty Boy Had to Take His Medicine
The Negro and the Crocodile
Never Sued a Client
Niagara Falls
No "Second Coming" For Springfield
No Cause For Pride
No Deaths in His House
No False Pride in Lincoln
No Halfway Business
No Kind to Get to Heaven On
No Others Like them
No Postmasters in His Pocket
No Vanderbilt
No Vices, No Virtues
No War Without Blood-letting
Noise Like a Turnip
Not As Smooth As He Looked
Not Like the Pope's Bull
Not Much at Rail-splitting
Not to "Open Shop" There
Note Presented For Payment
Office Seekers Worse Than War
Old Broom Best After All
The Old Lady's Prophecy
Old Man Glenn's Religion
On the Way to Gettysburg
One Bullet and a Hatful
One Man Isn't Missed
One Thing "Abe" Didn't Love
Only Half a Man
Only Level-headed Men Wanted
Only One Life to Live
The Only Real Peacemaker
Origin of the "Influence" Story
The Other One Was Worse
Outran the Jack-rabbit
Owed Lots of Money
Painted His Principles
Pat Was "Forninst the Government"
Pay For Everything
A Peculiar Lawyer
Peter Cartwright's Description of Lincoln
Posing With a Broomstick
Praises His Rival For Office
President and Cabinet Joined in Prayer
The President Had Knowledge of Him
President Lincoln's Last Public Address
President Nominated First
The President Was Not Scared
The Presidential "Chin-fly"
Profanity As a Safety-valve
The Question of Legs
The Rail Splitter vs the Little Giant
Ran Away When Victorious
Ready For "Butcher-day"
A Really Great General
Reasons Fob Freeing the Slaves
Reminded "Abe" of a Little Joke
Reminded Him of "A Little Story"
Right For, Once, Anyhow
Rough On the Negro
Running the Machine
Safe As Long As They Were Good
The Same Old Rum
Satisfaction to the Soul
Saved a Life
Saved By a Letter
Saved Lincoln's Life
Saving His Wind
Saw Himself Dead
Saw Humor in Everything
Scalping in the Black Hawk War
Seeks a Seat in the Senate
Sent to His "Friends"
Sentinel Obeyed Orders
Settled Out of Court
Short, But Exciting
Should Have Fought Another Battle
Simply Practical Humanity
Six Feet Four at Seventeen
Sleep Standing Up
A Slow Horse
A Small Crop
Something For Everyone
The Song Did the Business
Sorry For the Horses
Specific For Foreign "Rash"
Split Rails By the Yard
Spoken Like a Christian
Squashed a Brutal Lie
Squire Bagly's Precedent
A Stage-coach Story
Stanton Was Out of Town
Stanton's Abuse of Lincoln
Stick to American Principles
Stirred Even the Reporters
Stood By the "Silent Man"
Stood Up the Longest
Stories Better Than Doctors
Story of Anne Rutledge
The Story of Lincoln's Life
Sugar-coated
Sure Cure For Boils
Surveyor With No Strings On Him
Sweet, But Mild Revenge
Tad's Confederate Flag
Taking Down a Dandy
Talked to the Negroes of Richmond
A Teetotaler
Telling Stories On the Circuit
Tells an Editor About Nasby
That Coon Came Down
There Was No Need of a Story
They Didn't Build It
They Understood Each Other
Thought God Would Have Told Him
Thought of Learning a Trade
Three Infernal Bores
Tom Corwins's Latest Story
Too Many Pigs For the Teats
Too Many Widows Already
Too Much Powder
Too Swift to Stay in the Army
Took Nothing But Money
Took Part of the Blame
Tried to Do What Seemed Best
Troops Couldn't Fly Over It
Turned Tears to Smiles
'twas "Moving Day"
Used "Rude Tact"
A Useless Dog
A Vain General
A Very Brainy Nubbin
Very Homely at First Sight
Vicious Oxen Have Short Horns
Walked As He Talked
Walt Whitman's Description
Wanted Her Children Back
Wanted Stanton Spanked
Wanted to "Borrow" the Army
Wanted to Be Near "Abe"
Wanted to Burn Him Down to the Stump
War Didn't Admit of Holidays
Warding Off God's Vengeance
Warnings of His Tragic Death
Was "Boss" When Necessary
Wasn't Stanton's Say
We Have Liberty of All Kinds
Welcomed the Little Girls
Were Like Crowds at a Circus
What Ailed the Boys
What Summer Thought
When "Abe" Came In
When Lincoln and Grant Clashed
When Money Might Be Used
When Old Abe Got Mad
Where Did It Come From?
White Elephant On His Hands
Why He Was Called "Honest Abe"
Why Lincoln Growed Whiskers
Why She Married Him
Why We Won at Gettysburg
Wished the Army Charged Like That
With the Help of God
Withdrew the Colt
Women Plead For Pardons
Won James Gordon Bennett's Support
Would "Take to the Woods"
Would Blow Them to H---
Would Not Recall a Single Word
Would See the Tracks
Wouldn't Hold Title Against Him,
Wouldn't Take the Money
Wrote "Pieces" When Very Young
Young "Sucker" Visitors
A Youthful Poet


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Picture Credits
Original bunny climbing rope picture by Paige Miglio (copyright 2000 ©) from One More Bunny authored by Rick Walton.
Original purple monster picture by Renee Williams-Andriani (copyright 1998 ©) from Really, Really Bad School Jokes authored by Rick Walton.
Original bullfrog seated picture by Chris McAllister (copyright 1999 ©) from Bullfrog Pops! authored by Rick Walton.
Electronic modifications by Ann Walton.
Last updated: September 27, 2003