Check out children's author Rick Walton's books.
The Goldilocks Project |
The owls had had a party, loud and raucous, all night long, right under the Bear's window.
So when the alarm clock rang in the morning, the bears had had very little sleep.
And when bears have little sleep, they hallucinate.
“What big eyes it has,” Papa Bear said as he stared into his morning porridge.
“What big teeth it has,” said Baby Bear.
Mama Bear looked at the porridge. “The easier for you to wolf it down,” she said.
Lack of sleep also led to bad puns.
Before they got really bad the Bears decided they should take a walk to clear their heads.
While they were gone, a little girl, Goldilocks by name, came skipping along. What she was skipping was her medicine.
And skipping her medicine caused her to hallucinate.
As she looked across the frozen wasteland she saw a house made of fire.
She thought, “It will be warm in there.”
So she walked in. She didn't knock on the door because it was already burned down.
In the captain's cabin she found three cups of pink pineapple face makeup. She rubbed it all over her face.
She was hungry. A pineapple sounded good.
She tried the first pineapple.
It turned into a frog.
“Yuck!” She said as it squirmed out of her mouth and hopped away.
She tried the second pineapple.
It got caught in her teeth, and turned into a cavity.
After she pulled out her tooth, she tried to third pineapple.
It turned into a marching band which began to play a John Philip Sousa march.
Goldilocks liked John Philip Sousa. She marched right into the living room.
There she saw three cheerleading teams.
She climbed on top of the first cheerleading teams' pyramid.
But it was too high.
She climbed on top of the second cheerleading teams' pyramid.
But it was too low.
She climbed on top of the third cheerleading teams' pyramid.
It was just right.
But then, an entire football team ran into the pyramid.
Goldilocks fell to the ground.
She rolled across the floor and up the stairs.
There she found three pools full of pudding.
She swam in the first pool. But the pudding was too dense, and not sweet enough.
She swam in the second pool. But the pudding was too watery, and too sweet.
She swam in the third pool. The pudding was just right. And it tasted perfect.
She turned into a manatee, and ate up all the pudding.
In the meantime, the Bears returned home.
"I'm still hallucinating," said Papa bear. "I'm imagining that someone has been eating our porridge."
"I'm still hallucinating," said Mama bear. "I think I see a broken chair in the living room."
"I'm still hallucinating, too," said baby bear. "I see a girl that looks rather like a manatee swimming on my bed."
"We haven't been gone long enough," said Mama bear.
And off the Bears went for another walk.
"I could have sworn I saw a bear in here," said Goldilocks, as she backstroked her way to the top of the bed.
And then she saw the pack of wild carnivorous lawn flamingos. They were coming up the stairs.
Goldilocks leapt from the bed, and dashed to the painting of Elvis playing poker with a bunch of dogs that hung on the wall. Goldilocks stopped and thought to herself, I don't approve of dogs being on the wall, even if it is in a painting. What does Elvis think he's doing?
Then she jumped through the painting, and into the arms of a waiting forest ranger, who married her and they lived happily ever after.
Until she remembered to take her medicine.
Copyright 2007© Rick Walton. All rights reserved.
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