Too Much Is A Million!
by David "Million" Schwartz
illustrated by Stephen "Gazillion" Kellogg
If one million kids climbed onto one another's shoulders, they would...
- peek into the windows of tall buildings,
-
- freeze in the cold high altitude air,
-
- and get run into by airplanes.
If you wanted to count from one to one million...
- you have way too much time on your hands.
If a goldfish bowl were big enough for a million goldfish...
- you could live in it. Just don't throw stones.
Presto! One hundred stars. If this book had a million tiny stars, they'd want to star in a million tiny movies! Let's
watch them!
There you have watched one hundred thousand stars and their movies. If we watched all their tiny movies ten times, we'd
be very bored and our eyes would get sore.
How bad is a billion?
If a billion kids made a human tower...
- you could live in it. Just don't throw stones.
-
- the kids on the bottom would get smashed into powder.
If you sat down to count from one to one billion...
- your rear end would really be in severe pain by the time you were done.
If you found a goldfish bowl large enough to hold a billion goldfish, it would be big enough to drown everyone at the
Super Bowl.
If this book had a billion tiny stars...
- we could watch their movies for two billion hours.
How terrible is a trillion?
If a trillion kids stood on top of each other, they would reach way, way, way beyond the moon--
- beyond Mars and Jupiter too, and they would almost all suffocate in the vacuum of space.
If you wanted to count from one to one trillion...
- do it by hundred billions. It would be a lot faster. And do it to yourself. I don't want to hear it.
If you put a trillion goldfish in a goldfish bowl...
- they'd all die of starvation before you could shake out enough goldfish food for them. And have you every smelled
a trillion dead fish? Pew!
If you put a trillion stars onto a gigantic roll of paper, and then lit it on fire, the world would be a better, and a
warmer, place.
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
Taller than...
- Some children are tall and some are short, but the children I stacked up (may they rest in peace) were 8'2".
If you wanted to count...
- Most of the numbers between one and one godzillion are long and hard to say. So don't ever say them. EVER! I'm
watching.
Goldfish...
- ...all die within two weeks of you getting them. Get a dog instead.
Picture Credits
Original bunny climbing rope picture by Paige Miglio (copyright 2000 ©) from One More Bunny authored by Rick Walton.
Original purple monster picture by Renee Williams-Andriani (copyright 1998 ©) from Really, Really Bad School Jokes authored by Rick Walton.
Original bullfrog seated picture by Chris McAllister (copyright 1999 ©) from Bullfrog Pops! authored by Rick Walton.
Electronic modifications by Ann Walton.
(from Rick Walton's Fun Stuff)
Last updated: October 25, 2002
Copyright 1997 © Rick Walton. All rights reserved.
