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a Bulrovian tale
by Rick Walton
Many years ago there lived a poor king and queen. All they had left was an empty castle and a small piece of land on which they grew a few turnips, which was their only food.
They had once been rulers of land as far as they could see. But their land had been stolen by a wicked king who lived over the horizon.
One winter night the poor king took the last turnip from the turnip barrel. As he and his wife were about to cut it up for dinner, the turnip spoke:
"Please don't cut me. If you let me live and put me back into the ground, I'll give you three wishes."
"It's a deal," said the king, who knew the value of wishes.
"You, king, shall have one wish. And you, queen, shall have one. The third wish you shall both have to agree on. Now put me back into the ground."
The king found a rock, and dug into the cold ground until he had a hole large enough for the turnip. He put the turnip in and buried it.
Then he went back inside.
"Oh, there are so many things to wish for," said the queen.
"There are castles and land and gold and jewels," said the king, "servants and cattle and knights."
"It's hard to think on an empty stomach, though," said the queen.
"Yes it is," said the king. "I wish I had a turnip here to fill me up."
PING! A turnip appeared on the table.
"You fool!" said the queen. "You wasted a wish! I wish that turnip were stuck on your nose!"
PING! The turnip appeared on the king's nose.
"Okay, let's calm down," said the king. "We've wasted two wishes. We only have one wish left. Let's not waste it too."
"We could wish that turnip off your nose," said the queen.
"Then we would be back where we started. I can live with the turnip. I'm used to turnips. Let's wish for something else."
The king and queen thought and thought, and whenever they spoke, they were very careful with their words.
And they decided. They wished to have all their land back.
And it was so.
But what of the turnip on the king's nose? Well, no harm came of it. When the king's subjects saw their king wearing a turnip, they all decided that it was a noble and proper thing to do. And to this day in that kingdom all the men wear turnips on their noses.
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