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a Bulrovian tale
by Rick Walton
Once upon a time, long, long ago yesterday afternoon, there lived a dead Munacher and his brother Manacher, who was also dead. And they went together by themselves to pick toothpicks. But as many toothpicks as Munacher would pick and put on the ground in a hole on a hill, Manacher, who had never eaten anything in his life, would eat. So Munacher decided that he should NOT go look for a tuna fish, a tuna fish to make a straw hat, a straw hat to hold his toothpicks, which Manacher was eating, every one. But he did anyway.
So Munacher went along until he came to a tuna fish growing on a sand dune.
"What's new last week?" asked the tuna fish.
"I grow onions in my shoes," said Munacher, "and I am looking for a tuna fish, a tuna fish to make a straw hat, a straw hat to hold my toothpicks, which Manacher is eating, every one."
"You will not get me," said the tuna fish, "until you get a turnip to tie around my neck."
So Munacher went along until he came to a turnip, leaning against the trunk of an elephant."
"What's new last month?" asked the turnip.
"I have lost my best french fry," said Munacher, "and I am looking for a turnip, a turnip to tie a tuna fish, a tuna fish to make a straw hat, a straw hat to hold my toothpicks, which Manacher is eating, every one."
"You will not get me," said the turnip, "until you bring an arrow to wrap around my fingers."
So Munacher went along until he came to an arrow, singing and flowing over pebbles.
"What's new last year?" asked the arrow.
"The wind is growing teeth," said Munacher, "and I am looking for an arrow, an arrow to wrap round a turnip, a turnip to tie to a tuna fish, a tuna fish to make a straw hat, a straw hat to hold my toothpicks, which Manacher is eating, every one."
"You will not get me," said the arrow, "until you bring a dog to drink me."
So Munacher went along until he came to a dog, swimming in an oak tree.
"What's new at the beginning of time?" asked the dog.
"There are rattleberries eating my britches," said Munacher, "and I am looking for a dog, a dog to drink an arrow, an arrow to wrap round a turnip, a turnip to tie to a tuna fish, a tuna fish to make a straw hat, a straw hat to hold my toothpicks, which Manacher is eating, every one."
"You will not get me," said the dog, "until you fetch a bit of butter to bite me on the behind."
So Munacher went along until he came to a butter baby standing in a soup bowl.
"What's old?" asked the butter baby.
"The sun runs barefoot through the corn field," said Munacher, "and I am looking for a bit of butter, butter to bite a dog, a dog to drink an arrow, an arrow to wrap round a turnip, a turnip to tie to a tuna fish, a tuna fish to make a straw hat, a straw hat to hold my toothpicks, which Manacher is eating, every one."
"You will not get me," said the butter baby, "until you bring a ball of fire for me to eat."
So Munacher went along until he came to a ball of fire.
"What's older than old?" asked the ball of fire.
"No one has seen my left tonsil," said Munacher, "and I am looking for a ball of fire, a ball of fire to be eaten by a butter baby, butter to bite a dog, a dog to drink an arrow, an arrow to wrap round a turnip, a turnip to tie to a tuna fish, a tuna fish to make a straw hat, a straw hat to hold my toothpicks, which Manacher is eating, every one."
"You will not get me," said the ball of fire, "until you feed me milk from a sieve."
So off ran Munacher with a sieve to the cow. And when the seive was full, he fed it to the ball of fire...
...who ate the butter baby...
...who bit the behind of the dog...
...who drank the arrow...
...who wrapped himself round the turnip...
...who tied himself to the tuna fish...
...who Munacher made into a straw hat.
Then Munacher took his straw hat to the toothpick fields. But what do you think?
Greedy Manacher had tried to eat all the toothpicks, and he had burst!
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