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a Bulrovian tale
by Rick Walton
Once there were two brothers, Charlie and Louie. Louie was as poor as a dirt rug, while Charlie was richer than cream stew. But would Charlie give Louie a drop of his wealth? Never.
One day Louie decided that if Charlie wouldn't help him, he'd go out and make his fortune on his own. It was March. It was cold. Snow covered the ground. Louie began walking.
Soon he came to an inn. He couldn't afford to sleep there, but he did sit for a moment. As he sat, twelve young people who were sitting by a fire saw him and invited him over.
"What do you think of the weather?" asked a young woman.
"Sun good," said Louie. "Snow good too."
"But don't you think March is a lousy month?" said a young man. "All this wind and snow and rain and gunk?"
"Wind good. Rain good. Gunk good," said Louie.
The young people were pleased at Louie's beautiful speech. Especially the young man who had asked about March. For that man was March himself. He had come to the inn with his eleven brothers and sisters. "Take this," said March, handing Louie a small box, "and if you ever want anything, only ask for it, and when you open this box, you will see it."
Louie thanked the young man, and having rested, went on his way.
After he had gone fifty feet in the snow, however, he said, "Want carriage. Warm feet."
Louie opened the box, and a carriage appeared in front of him. Louie climbed in and began warming his toes before a small fire. "Home please," said Louie to the driver.
When the carriage stopped at Louie's poor home, Louie said, "Want palace." He opened the box.
There where the shack had once been was a palace of gold, with jewels embedded in the walls. Guards waited at the gate and bowed as Louie entered.
Louie looked through the castle. He liked what he saw.
But it was dinner time. "Want food," said Louie, and he opened the box.
There before him appeared a table, covered with a hundred different dishes of food. Louie ate until he was tired.
"Want sleep," said Louie. He opened the box.
There appeared a mattress filled with the softest down of a thousand geese. Covering the mattress was a spread of silk. Louie climbed in and slept like he never had before.
The next morning a guard approached Louie. "Sir, there is a gentleman to see you."
"Let in," said Louie.
The guard escorted the gentleman, who was Charles, Louie's brother.
"Where did you get all this? This is incredible. You must tell me how you did it."
"Went inn. Twelve youths. Gave box. Lucky me," said Louie.
Charles rushed out the door and ran until he arrived at the inn. The twelve youths were still there, and they asked him to join them by the fire.
"What do you think of this weather?" asked the young woman.
"I hate it! I hate it! The wind blows through my clothes and the snow covers my house. The rain turns the snow to slush and ruins my land. March stinks. If there were no March the world would be a happier place. If I were king I'd destroy March."
March wasn't please with this speech. But he resisted tearing Charles into little bits. Instead, he gave him a bottle. "Take this," said March. "And whenever you wish for anything, just say, 'Bottle, Pour On Me," and you will get what you deserve."
Charles was so pleased he ran all the way home.
When he reached his mansion, he sent the servants away and closed the shutters. Then he said, "I wish this house were full of gold. Bottle, Pour On Me."
The bottle rose into the air and began pouring hot syrup all over Charles. Charles ran through the house, trying to escape, but the bottle followed, covering Charles and everything else in the house with syrup. Charles ran out of the house, but wherever he went, the bottle followed, until Charles was completely covered.
Then came the flies. From all over the countryside the flies smelled the honey. Soon Charles was engulfed in flies. He ran to Louie's house. The bottle followed him, dumping more syrup on him from time to time. "HELP!" Charles shouted as he ran past the guards.
"Give bath," said Louie to his guards, and the guards dumped Charles into the moat and scrubbed the flies and syrup off.
And when Charles was clean, Louie took the syrup bottle and put it in the kitchen cupboard.
And from then on, since Charles' house had become a gathering place for all the flies in the land, Charles and Louie lived together.
Charles never wished for anything else. And Louie, too, wished for little, except for an occasional breakfast of pancakes and syrup.
But only when Charles was out of the house.
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